


The Confession

by he_wants_to_write



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angel Wings, Angel/Human Relationships, Angst, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Castiel is Loved (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester Angst, Cute Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester is Loved, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, angst destiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-13 02:47:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20166880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/he_wants_to_write/pseuds/he_wants_to_write
Summary: In which Dean and Castiel are the perfect couple and share a joyful life, until a secret that Castiel hides comes out and twist their lives inside out.





	1. mornings

Dean Winchester used to hate mornings. The feeling after hours of unconsciousness was his least favorite sensation; the burn in the inactive throat, the sour taste of sleep, the excessive quantity of invasive sun rays on his eyes. His whole life, he molded his moods around this negativity.

That is, of course, until Castiel Novak came along. He not only loved the mornings, but he taught Dean how to love them too. Bites and kisses scattered all over his pale skin was the new reason for a burning throat, the sour taste was replace by a sweet one, and Castiel always mentioned how the sun rays brought pure life to his green eyes.

In one specific morning, Dean woke up alone. The warmth of Castiel’s body was still in the sheets as the green-eyed man got up, seduced by the smell of breakfast. The virginal white color of the kitchen’s walls made it so Castiel’s figure was standing out amid the entire scene. His naked back was like an invitation, a vision that Dean never got tired of admiring.

“You didn’t wake me up.” His hoarse voice echoed through Castiel’s veins. Strong arms wrapped around the blue-eyed man’s silhouette.

A kiss was placed on his shoulder as he remarked; “You don’t like it when I wake you up.”

“No. I don’t like when you wake me in work days. It’s depressing seeing you then leaving minutes after.” The taller man spoke lowly, taking advantage of being close up to his loved one and stealing the heat that Castiel’s bare skin offered.

Castiel’s hands struggled to hold the hot pan as the eggs fried. “I’m never good with this.”

Dean laughed and took the lead on the cooking. “You were about to burn it.” He spoke, turning the fire off and throwing the over-cooked eggs on a single plate.

Castiel frustrated groan was replaced by a pleasuring one as Dean planted a firm kiss on his lips. “Let’s eat.” Castiel offered him a smile and pressed his hands on his hips, touching their foreheads together, reminding him that his world wouldn’t spin without this.

And just like that, Dean learned to love mornings.


	2. routine

The characteristic sound of the Impala engine shook Dean’s senses as he watched his loved one pick his pace to enter the car. Once the door closed and they were both safe inside the vehicle, Dean drove away from their house, the view of the lake’s edge and high mountains became distant.

The couple was privileged enough so that their work places were close to each other, which allowed them to have lunchtime together and add more time to the eternal list of moments spent with one another’s company. First, Dean would drop Castiel at the store where he worked at. He was convinced that his loved one should be employee of the month in all twelve months of the year.

Familiar streets passed by in silence, just the sound of the world outside and a slow guitar melody playing on the radio. Dean would steal a glance or two at his partner for long seconds, watching him swing his head to the songs. The lights from the day would occasionally hit the glass by Cas’ side, creating a beautiful halo around his figure. Dean sometimes wondered if Castiel was just an illusion in his head; the picture of what could turn his existence into a life.

The driver stopped the car, meeting Castiel’s blue eyes as his mind almost begged for him to not let go of that sight. “I’ll see you at lunch then.” A smile and a peck on his lips followed his words.

“Later, love.” Castiel remarked, his own body almost betraying him into closing that door and driving back home so he could kiss Dean as if his life depended on it. Sometimes, he thought it really did.

Once Castiel was out, he observed him until his figure disappeared inside the store’s walls.

Dean drove to his work place. The workshop that his uncle raised him at. Since he was a small child, Bobby taught him the ways to be a mechanic. Dean couldn’t lie, he adored his work, and all perks that came with it.

Hours passed, work has been done. The clock for lunchtime hit and both hearts skipped a beat, a breath being caught in their throats, anxious to meet each other’s sights again. The brief separation seemed to drain their blood away.

Castiel’s hands gripped tightly around his own fingers as he spotted the familiar car approaching the store’s garage. “Get in loser, we’re going to have lunch!” Dean commented, his voice loud and clear, calling the attention of a few passers on the gray sidewalks. However, none of that matter, since Castiel only had his eyes crashed with green ones, only a few meters away.

“How was work?” Dean asked, getting for an answer a kiss first.

“It was fine. I got called over to the office today.” His expression looked like pure light, Dean noticed. “The boss really likes my work there.”   
Dean let his lips curve into a foolish smile. “I knew it. I’m proud of you, baby.” He offered a soft kiss on his forehead, and then his lips; and that, for Cas, had more value than any compliment from his boss.

Dean let Castiel choose the restaurant that day. He picked a cozy, quiet, small place, reminding him of their own kitchen. Speaking of it, later that day, the hours lasting separation took the best of them. Their bodies collapsed within the first seconds of being home alone.

Dean pinned Castiel against the wood door, not realizing Cas’ hands sneaking under his dirty shirt, massaging his skin and molding themselves together. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you today.” The green eyed man spoke, his voice low, filled with lust. Castiel chuckled.

“I can never stop thinking about you.” He remarked, letting his hands trace their own path on Dean’s strong body. The column of his throat received a pair of hot lips committed into drawing love bruises on his skin. His mind emptied. The only thing clear and in focus was Dean’s hands sneaking behind his thighs.

“Jump.” The taller man commanded and he didn’t have to ask twice. Soon, Castiel’s weight fell onto Dean’s arms, then to the kitchen’s tabletop. The men couldn’t stop; every movement and noise broke the peace of the empty house.

“You are beautiful.” Dean spoke simply, the compliment and the rough dragging of hands on his sides causing Castiel to let escape from his lips a breathy moan. “You are my life. My everything.” 

“Dean-“ Castiel moaned again, not caring about the expanding of a certain part of his body. The thin line of want on Dean’s eyes grew as he took notice.

The blueish light from the moon illuminated the room. The walls witnessed all the touches and kisses.

Cas and Dean worked like an engine, together, without a fail, like the Impala’s engine; which even though the couple spent good part of their late sleep hours into another activities, it was turned on in the morning again.

With that, it was following the repetitive, yet not boring cycle of their lives, progressing into another day, proving to the world that the opportunities to love each other were endless to them.


	3. I'll never leave

The weekend arrived and the couple had decided to stay home and enjoy their companies without the outside’s elements. The first hours of the Saturday have proven to be the best of Dean’s life. He woke up alone; however, there was a note on his bare chest, the handwriting was too familiar.

“Good morning! Look outside. With love, Cas.”

With a grin, he got up, grabbing a shirt and putting it on before driving himself to the living room, where he moved the window’s curtains, revealing the image of Castiel, sat on the grass, with a basket by his side. Dean couldn’t contain the muscles of his cheeks as he smiled bigger than he ever did in his life, he believed. He opened the front door slowly; approaching the sight of Castiel’s back turned to him.

His anxious steps gave him away. “Hey Dean.” Cas spoke, turning his head to glance at his partner. He took noticed of his messy hair and wondered how did his life turned out to be the best he could ever have, all because of one person, that now was sat beside him, already eager to find out what the basket contained.

“Hey, love.” The green-eyed man greeted, placing a kiss on his lips and turning to watch the lake reflect the image of the cloudy sky. “I smell pie.” He commented, eyes widening in anticipation.

“Knock yourself out.” Castiel remarked, watching his lover take the pie out of the basket and place it in between them. He found the knifes and cut it into pieces, not caring about a plate as he grabbed a slice of it with his hands and brought to his mouth. “One day, you’ll leave me and fall in love with pie.”

For a second, Castiel imagined his life without Dean. How it was before he had meet the man with the freckled constellation on his skin. He flinched, wincing at the thought. It would be unrealistic awful.

“I would never leave you, Cas.” He said, his words sounding so small comparing to the real meaning of the sentence. He turned to look at Dean, his green eyes held such expression that he felt like crying.

“I know.” Castiel nodded, sighting deeply, inhaling the scent of fresh pie and morning grass. The views from their yard could never compare to how they saw each other. Sometimes, it was just too much that they couldn’t get over it themselves.

“I love you.” A whisper yanked Castiel out of his thoughts. His heart pumped harder.

“I love you too.”

And in that moment, if Dean didn’t had his mouth filled with pie, he would have kissed him until the sun was completely up high. Of course, Dean noticed, and made sure to swallow his food fast, only to enjoy the taste of Castiel’s lips until his head went numb.


	4. angels

It was a cloudy Sunday evening, when Castiel left the bed, not enjoying the dry feeling on his throat. Walking alone and sensing a cool breeze running inside the quiet house made his skin fill with shivers.

Once he had a cup of water in his hand, he noticed the TV was turned on still from last night. He smiled, remembering that a few heated kisses leaded them to rush to the bedroom, not caring about the movie session they were having.

As he approached to turn it off, he caught himself suddenly concentrated on the news. According to the facts on the screen, there was a meteor rain that evening. It was big and beautiful to watch. However, it gave Cas the opposite feeling.

He watched the clip that was recorded as it occurred. Spots of white light fell amid the purple and dark blue nightly clouds, hitting the ground repeatedly, one after another.

Castiel felt sick to his stomach, tears threatened to fall as he found himself unable to stay standing on his own. His legs gave up and he fell onto the couch, watching the news change to other subjects.

Once he could stand, he removed the TV cable from the plug on the wall, scared. And he hated that feeling. The uncertainty, the fear, not for himself, but for everyone else, and mostly, for the one that was always around, and the most valuable; Dean.

He didn’t contained a falling tear as he up the stairs again. He wanted to smash the cup on his hand against the wall. As he entered the room, his eye immediately glued upon Dean’s sleeping sight.

His chest prickled with freckles was exposed, and so were a few love bites. His eyes closed, and his face peaceful, like a sunrise on a cloudless sky.

Castiel could never let anything happen to his loved one.

He cursed himself on his mind as he tried to enter under the covers again, careful, but it was useless. Dean sensed the movements and opened his eyes slightly. They widened once he took noticed of Cas’ watery eyes.

“Cas-“ He called, not expecting a reply. His arms went up to grab the man’s waist. “What’s wrong?” He questioned, glancing upon Castiel’s broken grin. Blue eyes were close to his again, as his limbs were caught in between Castiel’s legs, warming his cold skin again.

“Just stomach ache.” He responded.

“Do you want medicine?” Dean offered, raising his head in concern.

Castiel shook his head, wishing he could say all the things in his head without causing a hurricane inside that house; “I already took it. Go back to sleep, baby.”

Without a second demand, Dean closed his eyes, not allowing Castiel to admire his green orbs any longer. Dean pressed his hands on his lower back and whispered, before falling into slumber once again; “Don’t forget that I’m here.”

The awake man contained a small sob that ripped in his throat. His chest shook with adrenaline, fearful. He was scared that Dean wouldn’t be there anymore.

He knew he couldn’t fall back into sleep, so he just held Dean until the morning came. He saw the first sunrays break inside the room and reflect upon Dean’s face. He tried to not compare his freckles with angel’s kisses.

Angels. He simply couldn’t stand that word in that moment.


	5. story

The next days were full for Castiel. He was getting constant headaches and sensations of pressure on his back muscles. Dean was worried sick once Cas asked for a few days off from work. As it is, Dean also took a break from his job, making sure that he was there through every second.

He had given up on insisting to Cas that he should see a doctor. Despite all the worry and angst of having your loved one sick and undisposed, he enjoyed having more time with Castiel.

They were cuddled in the couch, tanged in one another's arms, as the TV was on and playing some random stuff and Castiel's suffering from a sharp headache. Dean stroke his hair slowly until the strands were completely untangled.

The news were on and Cas seemed oddly concentrated. There were storms and other natural disasters occurring all over the globe.

"It's like an apocalypse out there, huh?" Dean chuckled, kissing the top of his lover's head. Castiel grinned, his mind spinning and pumping with the pain as he wondered if he should tell Dean what he knew.

"Dean-" He whispered, obtaining an immediate response.

The green-eyed man bent his head down to look at Cas' face from above. "Yeah?"

Castiel sighted. He couldn't. Not yet. "Tell me a story."

Dean furrowed his eyebrows together, confused but amused. "Like a bedtime story?"

"Any story." He confirmed. He heard Dean sight in concentration, searching on his mind.

"I got one. It's one of my favorites."

Castiel shifted from his position, laying his head flat on Dean's lap, being able to look at his face from below. The light from the window behind him made Dean look like the sun itself. Not that he needed any light reflected on him to come up with that conclusion. "Go ahead."

Dean grinned; "Well, it all starts with a boy. A very small, little boy-" Castiel knew that story. He never got tired of it though. Every time felt like the first. Dean had that spell on him.

He continued, ignoring Castiel's admiration stare; "That boy was very sad. His dad ran away and his mom passed away. He had his baby brother to take care of. He was lost until his very nice uncle took him under his roof and gave him everything he ever needed-" Dean interrupted himself, fighting tears. "The little grew up alright and always alert, taking care of his baby brother and learning about cars. However, the boy had a little obstacle in his head. He thought-" He paused again, this time not resisting the watery eyes. "He thought that he could never be loved."

Castiel didn't realized he was crying too until the beautiful sight of Dean became blurry. He let them fall.

"He grew up and had a job, a house, a family. But something was lacking." Dean stroke his hand across Castiel's cheek. "But he found it. He found it in one rainy day, he was walking in the street and decided to enter a random store to get away from the cold and the rain. Little did he know, the employee that he stumbled on was going to be the love of his life."

One tear fell onto Castiel's face. However, neither of them minded.

They eyed each other for long seconds, the rest of the story was being told during that stare. "The boy was complete." He finished, kissing Cas passionately.

All the pain in discomfort didn't stopped Cas from taking Dean right there.

Amid all the pleasure, Cas' mind wouldn't cease on telling him that Dean's story may not have such happy ending.


	6. unwanted visit

A week passed and Castiel wasn't getting any better. Dean was planning to take his lover to the doctor, even if it was going to be by force. However, his plans were blocked by an unfortunate incident.

Castiel was on the bed still, as Dean was downstairs, preparing Cas' favorite breakfast option. Even though he was worried, he could never forget to spoil his loved one.

The ring bell called his attention. He heard a few voice outside and wondered who could it be; couldn't be his brother Sam, since he was busy with college, and couldn't be Bobby, since he was on a work day.

The freckled man drove himself to the door and opened it, catching the sight of two men dressed in black and gray suits. "Can I help you?"

The two strangers exchanged looks among themselves and the taller of them spoke, his voice hoarse and firm; "We're looking for Castiel."

Dean's spine was covered with shivers as he shook his head slightly; "Ah, he's not feeling very well. Come back in another time." He tried to close the door but a harsh slap on its surface stopped him from doing so. He looked up at the men and suddenly felt angry as he realized that they could maybe hurt Castiel.

"We're not asking." One of them said, voice appealing.

Dean felt highly threatened as they made their way inside his home. He waited until the door was closed to swing his arms towards one of them, hitting his closed fist harshly against the man's cheekbone. There was a sharp pain on his knuckle. His mind was racing on trying to understand why the man hadn't moved one bit from his punch, as if it couldn't affect him.

"How-" Dean couldn't finish his sentence as he watched one of the man's palm turn to him and he felt a rush of air and pressure upon his body, throwing him away, only to have his back collapsing against the wall. He groaned out loud, barely being able to see straight.

He heard footsteps coming down the stairs. "Cas, no! They're dangerous!" He warned the blue-eyed man, but that didn't stop him from walking straight into those men.

"You should hear your boyfriend, brother." One of them commented. Brother? Dean was confused and painfully worried about Castiel.

He watched from the ground that supported him; Castiel had on his hands a weird looking object; it seemed like a sword, but smaller. His eyes widened when he realized. It was a knife, some sort of blade. He had never seen that before and he tried to imagine where in the house Castiel was hiding this weapon.

The scene that scrolled in front of his eyes interrupted his thoughts. The man in the suit took a few fast steps towards Cas, holding the same blade that his lover had in hands. Before he could question anything, there was a yell and then an blinding light that filled the room.

Once it was gone, Dean opened his eyes to watch a body fall close to him. The same thing repeated, this time, the other man collapsed to the ground. Castiel was the only one standing.

The blue-eyed man brought his hands up to look at them. His fingers were slick with blood. It wasn't possible to know who was more scared by it all; Castiel, or Dean.

"Cas!" Dean called, hoping that the pain on his back would go away soon.

The man in question dropped the blade, which made a loud noise as it fell to the floor. Cas rushed to his lover's side, avoiding touching his skin too much, not wanting to spread the death on his fingers.

"Dean?" He called or questioned? He didn't even know himself. His eyes got the sight of blood down Dean's neck, coming from an injury caused when Dean were thrown away and hit his head. "Dean, baby-" Castiel cried. "I'm so sorry... so sorry... this is all my fault."

Dean shook his head. "No, Cas, I'll be okay-"

That's when Dean's mind came back into place.

Some supernatural force had thrown him.

Castiel had just stabbed two men.

The blood on his hands were vibrant on his vision, and so was the cut on Cas' cheekbone, maybe caused by an punch that he didn't saw happening. However, the opened skin was filled with a blue light, which molded the skin together and disappeared, leaving behind a flawless, non-injured skin.

"Cas-" He managed to let out as his throat almost gave up on him. "What is happening? Who where those men? How did you-"

Castiel interrupted him with a firm kiss, not caring about leaving a bloody hand print on Dean as he cupped his jaw. He pulled away, glad that Dean wasn't rejecting his touches after all he just seen.

"I can explain."


	7. confession

Their living room never felt so cold. The couch never felt so stiff and uncomfortable.

Cas and Dean were sat, barely standing being under the numbing atmosphere that the situation had brought to them.

A few quick words were exchanged. That was all it took;

"Cas, tell me what the hell is going on-" The green-eyed man prayed, holding Castiel's knuckles with his own.

Cas' eyes were uncertain and filled with some negative feeling that his partner couldn't identify, but it sure made him frown. "It's crazy, Dean-" He paused. He looked around and that's when Dean realized that his lover couldn't look him in the eyes.

"Castiel-" Dean called, the sound of his full name taking him to places. "You just killed two people. Tell me." He knew his tone was rough, but he needed to know.

Castiel sighted, glancing over the floor. "They're not people. They're angels."

Cas felt the sour taste of this word in his tongue, almost like the taste that Dean used to hate in the mornings. He grinned for a second, remembering the day he woke up by his lover's side the first time.

Dean was confused. He was almost angry with frustration and not being able to understand what had occurred just a few hours ago. He glanced over the couple of lifeless bodies, a few meters from them. "Cas-"

"I am an angel, Dean."

Green eyes widened and he couldn't help but to laugh. He laughed loud enough to wake the dead men up. "Angel?!" He spoke with an orotund voice.

"Yes." Blue orbs reflected a blue shining light. Dean almost didn't recognized his partner's expression as he lifted two fingers and pressed then on Dean's forehead.

And just like that, his headache was gone. His back didn't hurt anymore. His bruised knuckles turned into perfect skin again.

Dean's heart skipped a beat.

He cried. Castiel always thought that if Dean ever found out about this, he would yell and call him crazy. Throw his bags outside this home and tell him to never look for him again.

But instead, he cried.

Dean laid his head on Cas' chest, hiding from his sight his red eyes and the endless flow of tears. The angel's gentle and comforting arms wrapped around him, whilst he whispered at least a hundred times that he was sorry.

In Dean's mind, his whole life was passing by. The moment he lost his mother, when his dad ran away, when he met Cas. He didn't know why, all the happenings that were marked on him, this one seemed to stand out.

Castiel felt his chest tighten. Those human feelings that he was never able to experience until Dean came along; heartbreak.

"I'm so sorry. I should have told you before." Cas breathed.

Dean responded, still inhaling against his lover's chest. "I would never believe you anyway."

Cas' lips turned into a shy grin. He watched Dean slowly look up to meet his sight. The spark was still there.

"The boy is complete, right?" Dean whispered. Cas nodded, feeling the knot on his throat go loose with the vision of Dean's smile.

Neither of them remembered for how long they sat there, or for how long Dean shed tears. Time didn't matter to them. Nothing really did at that moment.


	8. wings

Since the secret’s reveal, a lot has changed.

Every day was based on a new story about Castiel’s angel life. Dean was still struggling with the thought that the man that he laid every night with was an actual angel. Although, he was amazed. “I’m not scared of you, Cas. I don’t care what you did in Heaven, you’re here now, and I know that you won’t do anything to hurt me.”

Those words meant the world to Cas. He finally had freed the weight on his very tired shoulders. He was relieved that he had someone that loved him for who he really is and does not judge for the past. That wouldn’t change the fact that the angel was afraid for Dean’s life; every member in Heaven knew that Castiel had his human weakness.

His weakness; the feelings, the free will. The sensations; as water bathed his pale skin, he sighted, hoping all his worries would go away, like the shower’s flow. The warm heat in the air hid Dean’s blushed face as Castiel kissed him, the water hitting his back.

“It’s been forever since we took a shower together.” Dean commented; his voice so low and soft that almost mixed with the sounds of drops falling on the floor. Castiel smiled, not holding back the urge to peck his lover’s freckled nose.

Castiel loved every second by Dean’s side. No matter the occasion, his presence made everything sound safer. Hopeful green eyes watched his every move as he dropped his head under the showerhead, feeling the hair stick to his skin.

The taller man laughed as the sight. Castiel turned around to face the wall, his nerves tingling when Dean approached and wrapped his arms around his frame. Amid the warmth of the water, Cas felt hot lips drop to his shoulders and back, then it suddenly stopped; “Where are your wings, Cas?”

Blue eyes stared at the tile wall; “It’s there, but I hide it.”

“How do they look like?” His wet skin was planted with fervent kisses again.

Castiel hissed, closing his eyes and enjoying every second of this moment. Again, he forgot about all the things that stole his sleep. Dean had that spell on him, also. “They’re large, almost the size of an entire room, very tall.”

“What color are they?” Dean whispered, biting his earlobe in the process. Castiel wondered for a second when in his entire life he would feel this way without Dean.

He turned around, wanting badly to glance back at his beautiful lover. The sight never failed to make him want to grip him tightly and never let go. “Black. They’re black.”

Dean’s dirty blond hair was now appearing darker than normal due the water that still fell upon them. It stood out his shining green eyes. “Like your hair.” He remarked, running his hand through Castiel’s strands.

“Can I see them?” He questioned, secretly counting how many droplets were falling from Cas’ forehead and crossing his cheeks.

The angel nodded. “Yes, but later. It would break the box’s glass.”

Plump, so familiar lips opened a huge smile. “Of course.” And so they shared a kiss, a long, passionate one. After pulling away, the freckled man’s voice echoed slightly. Cas didn’t know if it was in his head or in the bathroom itself. “It’s not like we want to leave here right now, right?”

Castiel shook his head side to side; frowning like Dean had just said a blasphemy. “No, no.” He grasped his lover’s cheeks, approaching, touching his skin as it was the last time; lately, he had that feeling on his gut and he hated it. “I don’t want to leave this. I want you, us, like this. Forever.”

“Me too.”

Even after the hot water ran out, they stood there, not minding the warm heat going away. Not minding the panicking world that surrounded them. They didn’t exchanged any words after this. Their eyes spoke for them and that was – in Castiel’s belief – the real power.


	9. resurrection

It was a cold morning when it happened.

Grey clouds covered the sky as the front door was kicked open.

“Dean, stay here.” Castiel warned, jumping out of their bed suddenly. Dean flickered his eyes open, confused and scared, hearing the sound of heavy footsteps inside their home. He struggled to manage to say anything as he watched Cas grab the angel blade, buried on the first drawer.

“What-“

“Angels, De. They’re here.” Castiel said at last, taking quiet steps out of the room. Dean wanted to hold his hand out and grab his love by his sweatpants and drag him back in, as if their warmth would protect them. However, he couldn’t breathe properly in fear.

He waited a few minutes, before he heard Cas’ muffled moans of pain coming from downstairs. Before he realized what he was doing, Dean found himself standing at the base of the stairs, watching a fight that looked like it was straight out of an action movie.

Castiel was on the ground, across, the living room, his hair sticking in all directions while three angels surrounded him. His angel blade was close to him on the floor. None of the angels have seen him yet.

Dean wanted to help.

He wanted to jump in the angels’ faces and cover them with bruises. However, the freckled man felt incredibly small. There was four creatures standing in that living room, all centuries years old, coming from biblical times. Dean felt fragile and insignificant. His eyes watered for a second, feeling useless and not being able to help Cas.

Another loud groan called his attention. He blinked as Castiel’s face whipped to one side. Blue eyes turned, staring roughly at the angel on the middle. He had a cut on his face that spilled out a blue light.

His blood boiled. It didn’t have to be that way.

In an sudden act, the Winchester grabbed the blade on the floor and without a doubt on his head, stabbed one of the angels in the back. The creature yelled and fell, the light slowly faded away and Dean glanced over to see Castiel screaming for some reason.

Then he felt it.

A sharp pain on his stomach.

His mind raced to the only thing that mattered to him at that moment. Castiel.

His lover got back on his feet quickly.

Dean fell to the ground, pressing his hand on his abdomen, feeling a hot liquid pour in between his fingers. He looked down. Blood. As his body gave up on standing straight, he heard yells that did not came from the blue-eyed angel that he loved. He flinched from the blinding lights. One, two.

The last thing he saw before his eyelids get too heavy was Castiel, kneeling in front of him. He breathed and hoped to feel Cas’ hands on him. He did.

“Dean, no, no, no-“ He listened to his voice crack.

He wished he could say something back, but his throat was filled to the teeth with blood.

He noticed how the floor was warm, even though the weather was freezing cold. Maybe it was just his last straw of warmth. He couldn’t tell.

Castiel’s senses never felt so dead. The sensation of putting Dean’s body on the bed was empty, not sad or depressing, like he imagined he would feel if this ever happened. He had no reaction.

He placed two fingers on Dean’s forehead, but removed then right away, replacing the touch with his lips. He felt the warmth coming back to the freckled skin that he loved.

When Dean coughed his way back to life, that’s when Castiel started to cry. He cried, event though Dean had no strength yet to hold him. But he didn’t care. He dropped his head to his chest and cried until his vision went blurry.

He felt terrible. The man of his life had died because of him, and even though he was alive again, he couldn’t help but feel insanely guilty. Not only that, he felt dangerous.

Cas knew that everyone close to him was vulnerable to this situation, but actually going through it was another story. He watched him die, he watched him feel pain and experience death. It was unfair that Dean had to feel that way, when he was supposed to protect him.

“Cas-“ Dean coughed, his voice hoarse and clear. He didn’t left his man’s chest, still feeling the scent of blood in his clothes mixing with Dean’s natural smell. He never could tell if it was coffee or cinnamon, or a mixture of both.

“I’m so sorry-“ The angel cried, feeling a hand come up to the base of his hair and stroke with slow, loose fingers. He couldn’t look up just yet. He was ashamed.

“Did I die?” He asked, not getting a said answer, but Cas’ loud cry responded to him. Dean wished Castiel could see himself. He was a mess, but still beautiful in his eyes. “It’s not your fault.”

Cas lifted his head, not caring anymore about the state of his appearance or the huge oblivious load of shame written in his eyes. “No! You’re wrong, Dean. It is my fault, I-“ He paused, glancing at his red stained hands. “I’m poison. I always knew this would happen, and still, I stayed with you, I put you in danger. Every second was a threat-“

“Stop right there.” Dean remarked, getting the wanted silence from his angel. “Don’t you dare put our relationship in the same balance as this whole fucked up shit! We are more than that and you know it!” He said out loud.

Castiel realized the truth in his words.   
“And you know what? Even if I knew all about this before, I would still want to be with you.” His voice cracked, feeling his eyes start to tingle with tears. Cas’ face was crumbled into a frown, that turned into a soft grin hearing those words. “Because I love you, Cas. I always will.”

Castiel pulled Dean up into a kiss. They didn’t care about the bruised lips and painful limbs.

Although, in Cas’ mind, he hoped for something that he never thought he would. He wanted, for a second; to have Dean not loving him anymore. 

Castiel felt his back ache and his eyes widen. He pulled away from the kiss, allowing Dean to watch his weird behavior with a confused expression. “Cas, what’s happening?” He glanced upon the sign of the sheet of blue light that surrounded his lover’s figure.

The angel’s vision travelled through the room, as if he was seeing something that Dean wasn’t. He smiled. “My wings.” He whispered, simply.

Dean’s smile followed these words. He did felt the atmosphere dense around them and the light from Castiel’s eyes start to get uncomfortable to look at. The Winchester closed his eyes, feeling a rush of air and a sound of delight coming from the angel.

His blood ran hot when he lifted his eyelids. He stared, amazed by the sight in front of him. Castiel was shirtless, his back support the weight of the insanely massive wings. The black-blue feathers were meticulously placed along the wing structure. It could barely fit inside the room; the curve of it reached the ceiling and they were folded, knowing that the room didn’t have enough space for its entire size.

But more than the wings, what caught Dean’s mind and heart was the sight of Cas himself. He looked like a dream come true, one of those expectations that you create during your lifetime. As he glanced over his tired form, his veins pumped faster, not in fear, but in love. Castiel was his actual angel; he couldn’t get enough of that.

“They’re beautiful, Cas, oh my-“ The freckled man stood up for the first time since he had got the taste of death and embraced Cas, feeling his arms almost going numb as the incredibly soft feathers touched his skin. “I love you. I love you-“ He repeated, not ashamed if the whole world heard it.

He listened to Cas soft sight against his neck. “I love you too, Dean-“ He paused, his breath stopping for a moment on his throat.

“-but, we can’t be together.”


	10. departue

Dean completely ignored the sight of the dark wings as he stared at Castiel. “What do you mean, we can’t be together?”

Castiel looked down, hating himself for making Dean’s heart jump faster, but not in a good way. “It’s dangerous, Dean. You just died. What if I can’t bring you back again? I won’t-“

“No.” Dean shushed, his only word stopping Cas from saying anything for the next seconds. “No, you-“ He felt tears prickle in his eyes and he cursed his own head for making him shake so badly. “You can’t do this, Castiel. No. Just no.”

Cas’ wings folded more into themselves, wilting at the heavy atmosphere of sadness. “I can’t give them the chance to get to you. They will keep coming until we’re both dead, and I won’t forgive myself if something-“

“I can’t believe this!” Watery green eyes interrupted the angel’s speech. “What the fuck happened?! Two weeks ago we had the most perfect life, the one everyone on Earth wishes for, and you want to leave this behind?!”

Castiel cried loudly as he remembered the life they had before. It seemed so far away; the days that they would wake up without the warm feeling of adrenaline as they were constantly reminded that their lives were on a wire. “I don’t want to, Dean.” The sight of his wings faded away, but neither of them noticed.

Their focus were on each other’s crying eyes and even more crying hearts.

Castiel took a step forward, scared that Dean would back away. He didn’t. “Dean, I don’t want to. I never would leave this in free will, but this is an different situation.”

There was silence. Fast heartbeats could be heard.

“Please, Dean, just until the angels leave me alone, just until they’re not looking forward to hurt me or you no longer. Then I’ll come back.”

Silence. Stares. Dean’s tears are unstoppable, and so are Castiel’s.

“I will come back for you.”   
That moment, Dean realized that the night had fell down on the sky, and that the only light on the room was from the table’s light bulb. It accentuated Cas’ facial features and made it harder for Dean to imagine his life without him.

The Winchester couldn’t manage to say anything. He just stood there in silence, feeling his palms unconsciously reach for Cas. They shared a long kiss amid tears.

That night, the couple embraced one another like they never did before. They made love like it was their first time. Grips and scratches were Dean’s way of begging him to stay. Kisses, bites and noises were Castiel’s responses that this would be just as hard for him.

When the clock hit one in the morning, Dean felt sleep start to consume him. He cried until his chest ached, desperately wanting to stay awake and watch his partner leave. Part of him didn’t.

“Sleep, Dean.” Castiel spoke, his voice just as broken as Dean’s cry.

He reluctantly closed his eyes and allowed slumber swallow him completely into darkness and nightmares. Castiel kissed his messed up hair, intervening and changing his dreams into nothing, not wanting Dean to think too much about him. Just rest.

Castiel stared at Dean until the sun was up. He memorized every trace, the map of all his freckles and every wrinkle on the corner of his eyes. He massaged every strand of hair and kissed every inch of his hands. He worshiped that man, and that was evident even to the angels. He loved him and leaving him felt like death. He thought that it was actually worse.

He left his trench coat behind, grabbed the first pair of clothing that fitted well and took one last glance at Dean before he could face the Heaven’s monsters. The sun upon his golden skin made Castiel almost think that he was an angel too.

He cried and flew out of the house, not caring where his wings would take him.

When Dean woke up and felt the cold pillow by his side, he wanted to scream. He wanted to let the whole world know that even the perfect lives have sad chapters sometimes. The problem is, he didn’t know if this would turn out to be the sad ending.

He looked at the trench coat left handing on the door frame, like a souvenir, reminding him of how unfair this had to go.

The day was beautiful outside. The sun was warm and the sky was clean. He could hear the birds and other animals from his yard sing and yell.

However, he laid there and cried on the empty pillow until his throat hurt.

Dean Winchester hated the mornings again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Hope you enjoyed this piece. I'm currently working on a sequel to this, so stay tuned if you liked this work. Thank you!
> 
> xx


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